The Courage To Be Yourself

Friends, Family, and Interpersonal Relationships

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Introduction

One of the major difficulties of moving offline is dealing with your loved one’s expectations. When people switch to a basic phone, they may lose the ability to text seamlessly or the capacity to check the latest information on a browser. This, in turn, creates a sense of frustration. A feeling of friction between you and your friends.

A few years ago, when I visited my mom, she asked me why I continued using “the tiny phone.” She loves using WhatsApp and sending me pictures or forwarding links. The Light Phone 2 couldn’t do any of those. She felt disconnected and wanted my prompt responses. I will concede that we were more disconnected. We live in different parts of the country and visit each other only during holidays. It took some time, but we found a solution. We started to call each other more. I sensed that her intent was not to criticize my new lifestyle, but a desire to strengthen our familial bond.

However, I could have folded. Interpersonal relationships carry the heaviest weight on one’s needs for community. As a result, it is easy to default to whatever is most convenient for everyone else. For example, my friends, as of late, have been using a new service called Partiful for RSVP. It’s quite a clever system as it doesn’t require back and forth texting or a massive group chat to get a head count for the upcoming social hangout. The main issue? It’s mostly available as an app. You can login on a browser. It’s a bit more cumbersome, but doable. Luckily, I have friends that accommodate to my preferences and they essentially RSVP for me.

But I know not everyone has the same fortune. So, here are three suggestions that may help you to bridge the gap between your digital minimalist lifestyle and your loved one’s expectations.

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Who Are You Doing This For?

When choosing the digital minimalist journey, it’s important to reflect on your motivations. Most people don’t take the time to ponder or think matters through. It’s becoming a more difficult task as companies, governments, and work try to monopolize our time and attention with glowing rectangles. Thus, make some time. Ask yourself the following:

1. Who are you doing this for?

2. Why?

3. Are you doing this for personal growth, to reclaim time, or deepen connections?

4. Is it to appear hipster or counter-cultural?

Establishing a reason will fortify your commitment when critiques come through. Above all, it’s crucial to anchor your reason in your own values, not in the expectations or judgments of others. The decision to embrace a digital minimalist lifestyle should be yours alone, unshaped by the need for validation from others. As Ichiro Kishimi explains in The Courage to be Disliked: “If receiving praise is what one is after, one will have no choice but to adapt to that person's yardstick and put the brakes on one's own freedom.”

After you have embraced a core reason, it will be easier to deal with the discomfort that comes with going against the grain. I experienced this firsthand a few years ago when my wife and I made the decision to become a one-car household. Concerns from friends and family flooded in. Many worried about the dangers of biking to work or how we would handle emergencies with only one car. We listened to their worries, but kept our idea. Our goal was to save money and explore alternative modes of transportation that aligned with our values. It hasn’t always been easy, but our commitment made it work, and the rewards have been well worth the effort.

The same could happen to you. As you transition from blue bubbles to green texts, remember that convenience and instant notifications were never the values driving your choice. Instead, revisit your reason and ask your friends and family to honor your commitment to a simpler life.

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Stay Connected When It Matters

Simplifying your digital habits can feel empowering, but it’s important to ensure your connections with loved ones remain strong. This might mean rethinking how you communicate. If instant messaging is no longer an option, embrace regularly scheduled calls. These conversations often carry a personal touch that quick texts can't replicate. You may find, as I have, that you enjoy these catch up sessions more than the barrage of notifications created by WhatsApp.

The key to the process is setting expectations about the type of communication and its consistency. Some people prefer a chat over coffee. Others, like my father, appreciate a morning call or an email with pictures. Be upfront about your approach, emphasize your desire to maintain a strong relationship, and stick to it. Over time, your loved ones will value the thoughtfulness behind your communication more than the speed of your responses.

Also, don’t shy away from creative or non-traditional methods of communication. When I travel outside of the state, I sometimes get a postcard and send it to my family with a small note that I am thinking about them. A good old fashioned letter does the trick as well.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

When To Cut Ties

First, I want to remind you that this is a suggestion. Cutting ties should never be a response to temporary friction or the growing pains that often come with adjusting to new dynamics. I believe most relationships can weather moments of discomfort and misalignment with time, effort, and understanding. Yet, there must be a limit.

If your friends or family are dismissing your values, belittling your choices, or creating a draining dynamic, you need to reassess their role in your life. It doesn’t have to be a full cut, but a bit of distance with some room to breathe. Consider a visit to the library to find more offline groups or create a routine at the local park. New connections are one conversation away. As your current friends adapt to the “new you,” encountering people who support you will create a positive dynamic.

There might be small instances where others may cut ties with you. I know some people who refuse to speak with me outside of their preferred platform.¹ If the relationship is important, it’s up to you to decide whether to accommodate or let things be. I’ve let my friends who prefer a specific platform know that I’m open to staying in touch, but my communication with them will be infrequent. It has worked so far. Ultimately, this isn’t your responsibility. It’s their choice, and you shouldn’t feel pressured to compromise your values for their convenience.²

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

Conclusion

There are countless other challenges that may arise as you navigate these changes. The good news is that by staying transparent with your loved ones, fostering open communication, and planning ahead, many of these difficulties can be resolved. With consistency and understanding, you can maintain connection despite the shift away from digital convenience.

Also, a reminder that the journey toward digital minimalism doesn’t have to isolate you. It can deepen your relationships when you are intentional. It will create space for you to improve in other areas as well. Stay committed to your goals and trust that the effort you put into preserving these bonds will be worth it.

1. Their platform is iMessage is you were wondering. Crazy, I know.

2. This is why is crucial to have a solid reason for switching to a simpler life. It guides your preferences and informs whether something is worth it or not.