I'm Not Available
Helping others understand your boundaries
Introduction
There is a cognitive fallacy called the availability heuristic. It suggests that our exposure to certain information can heavily influence our thinking and decision-making processes. Instead of considering all the information available, we default to the matters that we can easily recall due to media, encounters, or what our friends are talking about. The website Scribbr has a helpful illustration to explain this concept:
In today's fast-paced world, a similar idea floats around. From office workers to construction crews, the expectation of constant connectivity and immediate availability has become the “norm.” Many mistakenly assume this has always been the case. However, historically, access to information and communication was far more deliberate. Engaging with loved ones, researching topics, or staying current with world events required effort and intentionality.
While I will not deny the convenience our smart devices provide in reaching out to loved ones or accessing content, it's crucial to set boundaries to protect our mental and physical well-being. Here are three suggestions to reclaim control over your attention and time.
Reply On Your Schedule
It typically takes me around 8 hours to respond to most messages. I usually carve out time during my lunch break or in the evenings to tackle them. However, there are instances when I might not get back to you right away, which might feel like you are being ghosted. I am not doing that though! (I promise…). Rather, it's a conscious choice to prioritize my schedule and tasks over immediate responses to others. As my wife always reminds me: “Someone else’s emergency is not your emergency.”
Back in my university days, I used to be a fervent texter. In fact, I felt as if I “owed” a response to those who sent me a message. My rationale was simple: they took the time to reach out to me, the least I could do was reciprocate promptly. However, I soon discovered that platforms like WhatsApp, Slack, Telegram, or iMessage, while convenient, often turned into time sinks. Their constant notifications, engaging features, and off-topic discussions led to distractions and inefficiencies. I'm sure many can relate to being part of a group chat where messages, GIFs, and links flood incessantly throughout the day. Once, after oversleeping and waking up at 9 am, I found my classmates had already exchanged 75 messages in our group chat. (What a joy to catch up to…)
After those experiences, I started to value my schedule and life first and focus on other’s needs second. It's akin to the airplane safety protocol: you must secure your oxygen mask before assisting others. Ensuring your own well-being is paramount, as it allows you to effectively support and assist those around you. Often, we fall prey to the availability heuristic fallacy in our communication practices, assuming that others must respond immediately simply because they are available. We succumb to the instant aspect of communication over the genuine value of meaningful interaction.
To avoid falling into the trap of constant digital distractions, I suggest that you set up scheduled call/office hours where important discussions can take place without derailing everyone's attention with trivial matters. Through the embrace of person-to-person interactions, we can ensure that our allotted time is purposeful and productive, ultimately saving our attention span and enhancing focus. By carving out a specific time slot in your day for communication, you set clear expectations for response times and workflow rhythm, promoting more effective collaboration and reducing interruptions.
Don’t Take Work Home
The expectation of working beyond regular hours is a widespread issue affecting various professions, from school teachers to high-ranking executives. Unlike in countries where government regulations intervene to protect workers' right to disconnect, many individuals find it challenging to prevent work from encroaching into their homes. As a result, our cognitive space often becomes cluttered with work responsibilities overshadowing opportunities to cherish personal experiences. Employers and workers have allowed this “constant availability” expectation to derail life enjoyment. I, too, many times have carried the burden of work into my quarters, frequently discussing it with friends and family. However, I've realized the importance of delineating boundaries between work and personal interests, enabling me to engage in conversations about topics that genuinely captivate me instead of the latest project or difficulty at the office.
To reclaim our homes and minds from the encroachment of work, I suggest to you three straightforward strategies. First, allocate time for reflection and decompression before leaving work. This small practice enables a smoother transition into personal time. In an article from 2009, Cal Newport advocates for implementing a shutdown routine. A final task to your workday that entails recapping tasks completed, identifying pending tasks, and outlining a plan for the upcoming day or week. This structured approach can help many cease overthinking about work responsibilities during their commute home. A simple sentence like, "I am done for today," can free you mentally in separating work hours from personal time.
Second, fill your after-hours with meaningful activities that replenish your energy and fulfill your passions. Recently, I went to see a production of Where Did We Sit on The Bus? at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts. It wasn't just an insightful exploration of someone else's upbringing in the United States, but also a well-crafted and enjoyable offline activity to share with friends. (I have more to say about this topic, so another post is due soon!) By scheduling after-hours activities that are aligned with your hobbies (or creating new hobbies from scratch), you will avoid the possibility of work sneaking into your thoughts. A bonus is that offline activities such as running, theater performances, or a night out at the local restaurant with a friend or loved one will also provide a respite from doom-scrolling opportunities that would void your life enjoyment.
My final suggestion is to establish clear boundaries by acquiring a separate work number1 and disconnecting from it outside of working hours. Having a separate number for work will create a healthy distance between you and your employer. No notifications or emails bugging you at the end of the day or instant Slack messages from coworkers. Rather, it is only family and friends that could contact you. By implementing these steps, we can restore balance to our lives and ensure that our homes remain havens for relaxation and personal growth.
Say No (At Least) Once Per Month
As our careers progress, conventional wisdom often emphasizes the importance of being readily available for projects, networking opportunities, and social engagements. There's a prevailing notion that being a "yes" person, always eager to showcase our skills and lend a hand, is key to success. While there's merit to being proactive and seizing opportunities, it's essential to safeguard our limited time by exercising the power of saying "no" when necessary. Whether it’s work-related requests, social invitations, or family obligations, prioritizing the occasional "no" is crucial for maintaining balance.
Becoming a perpetual "yes" person and the go-to problem solver may not always lead to substantial improvements in our personal or professional lives. In fact, it can be counterproductive, as we risk spreading ourselves too thin and becoming overwhelmed. Saying "no" serves as a reminder to honor our boundaries and carve out dedicated time for our projects and skill development. Rather than trying to excel in every endeavor simultaneously, focusing on mastering one or two areas at a time yields better results. By adopting a methodical approach to life and specializing in specific domains, we cultivate a reputation for excellence and strategic growth.
Conclusion
I trust today's post motivates you to safeguard your attention and time. Whether it's through setting boundaries or acquiring a separate work number, it's vital to communicate our limits and establish spaces for relaxation and personal development. As Annie Dillard aptly stated, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Let's make each moment count towards a more fulfilling existence.
I use the Jelly Star as my work device. It is small enough to not be distracting, but smart to access work-related tasks. You can find alternatives for personal or work devices in the Dumbphone Finder.