Choosing To Opt-Out
Saying no in a world of yes
There are two phones I am really excited about releasing in 2025. The Mudita Kompakt and the Light Phone 3. Both will be going up in price within the next 2 weeks. Make sure to check them out as options for a simpler phone for 2025 at their best price. I will have reviews of both of them coming to the channel, so stay tuned :)
Introduction
In his book about negotiation, Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss uncovers a surprising truth: the power of “no” can often outweigh the appeal of “yes.” We’re instinctively drawn to “yes” because it feels good—affirming, energizing, and easy to agree with. But in the world of negotiation, it can be a trap. Too many yeses can ultimately lead to a resounding no. Voss highlights this idea with a powerful example of a political fundraiser that shifted its strategy from chasing “yes” answers to embracing the clarity of “no”—and the results were astounding. Instead of asking questions designed to elicit a predictable “yes,” like, “Are gas prices high and hurting your pocket?,” the team reframed their approach with “no”-driven questions, such as, “Are you satisfied with the current administration?” or “Do you think things are heading in the right direction?” These questions forced people to think critically and take action for a bigger cause—not just agree for the sake of convenience.
We face a similar challenge in the digital world, where the default is always “yes.” Yes to convenience, yes to new technologies, yes to societal norms—all without questioning the cost. Take Amazon’s 1-click buy button. It made shopping frictionless, transforming impulsive purchases into the norm. A recent documentary, Buy Now: The Shopping Conspiracy, exposes how this seamless design hooked us into overconsumption without a second thought. We said yes to convenience but ignored its impact on our budgets, habits, and the environment. We didn’t pause to consider whether no might have been the better choice.
Finally, consider the automobile in the 1920s. What began as a luxury quickly reshaped American life. We said yes to gasoline-driven cities, zoning laws, and the idea that every destination should be a drive away. But this collective yes brought unintended consequences: longer commutes, declining personal health, and an environment choking on pollutants. We never stopped to ask if there was a better way, even to this day.
These examples remind us that our uncritical acceptance of new norms comes at a cost. Today, I’ll share three strategies to help you break the cycle, say no more often, and design a life that aligns with your values—not the one handed to you by convenience and algorithms.
Work Optional
Why do we keep working jobs we don't like? It's a question I've been grappling with, especially as I observe the relentless demands of modern workplaces. From the constant need for two-factor authentication apps to the expectation of being on-call through Slack or email, it seems like smart devices have become an invisible leash tying us to our jobs. I've experienced this pressure firsthand. My previous role required multiple communication apps, all under the guise of "productivity." Ultimately, this led me to make the difficult decision to leave a full-time position for contract work back in October. I was exhausted—tired of driving 2,000 miles monthly, working inflexible hours, and sacrificing my mental health to maintain an always-on culture.
Making this change wasn't without challenges. I've had to let go of many financial "must-haves" for people my age. There's no 3-bedroom, 2-bath house or shiny new car in my life—we're still driving our trusty '04 Camry. Takeout has always been a rarity, replaced by home-cooked meals that have encouraged us to adopt a simpler life. These trade-offs have gradually paid off. My wife transitioned to a four-day workweek earlier this year, and I'm currently pursuing a more flexible schedule for the future. This doesn’t mean we won’t change our minds and go back to full-time gigs, but for now, I'd rather have a flexible schedule than more money.
The shift towards a more balanced perspective on work was driven by my financial anxiety. Previously, I was buried under student loans, credit card debt, and the relentless cycle of annual phone upgrades—believing I had to keep up appearances. I said yes to everything, not because I genuinely wanted to, but because I thought it represented “success.” That constant chase created an illusion of progress while silently depleting my resources and energy. It kept me tied to a job that wasn’t fulfilling me.
That’s why we often default to saying yes. Yes to novelty, yes to endless services, yes to a version of the American dream that isn't authentically ours. As Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You to Be Rich, argues, true wealth comes from designing a life that reflects your values—not external expectations. This begins with a clear vision of what "enough" means to you. Financial freedom isn't about accumulation; it's about streamlining your life around what energizes you and releasing everything that doesn't contribute to your satisfaction.
Getting off the financial hamster wheel takes purpose and clarity. What do you want your life to look like? Define what brings you joy and fulfillment. Create a plan that prioritizes meaningful experiences and eliminates unnecessary distractions. When you stop chasing someone else's idea of success, you create space for the life you truly desire. By clearly defining your ideal lifestyle, you can make intentional choices about the digital services and commitments you allow into your world.
For practical guidance, I've found Ramit's book invaluable. Two additional recommended resources are Work Optional by Tanja Hester and the financial independence course from ChooseFI.
Digital Subscriptions Opt-Out
The second key to crafting your personal financial and life plan is reevaluating your digital subscriptions. When you start designing a life aligned with your values, you naturally begin to filter what belongs in your digital portfolio. While many Americans started rethinking the value of subscription services as far back as 2022, fast-forward to 2024, and the number of households subscribing—and retaining—these services has only grown. That’s why having a clear financial and life plan is essential. It allows you to consciously decide which services to embrace and which to reject.
Take Spotify, for instance. Many rave about its technical sophistication and curated playlists, but I never got on board. The ad-supported version felt intrusive, and I’d rather pay for my music once than subscribe indefinitely. To confidently decline such subscriptions, I needed to clarify my financial priorities and life goals. Rather than mindlessly accepting terms and conditions, I asked myself: Does this align with the life I want to build?1
When evaluating digital services and apps, ask yourself if they genuinely enhance your life. For example, I recently came across Aro, a service that encourages families to reduce screen time and focus on meaningful, in-person connections. While it might not be my ideal model for digital minimalism, its value is undeniable for those seeking stronger family relationships. Can you really put a price on fostering meaningful conversations and spending quality time with loved ones? This kind of subscription might make the cut, not because it’s trendy but because its benefits far outweigh its costs.
To filter out the noise and identify what truly adds value, I’ve developed a series of introspective questions that guide my decisions about digital services:
Will this service still bring me satisfaction two years from now?
Does this service energize me or drain me?
Am I using this service because I haven’t taken the time to explore alternatives?
Am I accepting this service as the default option without questioning it?
That last question has been particularly helpful. Too often, we accept things simply because they’re presented as the only option. For instance, when my workplace implemented a two-factor authentication system, they initially required everyone to use a specific app. I didn’t just accept it—I asked if there were other options. Although they were hesitant at first, they eventually approved my use of a Yubikey, a solution better aligned with my preferences.
By regularly questioning and evaluating the digital services in our lives, we ensure that only those offering genuine value remain. This intentional approach not only declutters your digital experience but also creates a more focused, efficient, and satisfying relationship with technology—one that supports your goals instead of distracting you from them.
Relational Opt-Out
Opting out of unhealthy relationships is perhaps the hardest area to address. Unlike apps or jobs, people shouldn’t be disposable, and severing ties can lead to significant emotional and even physical repercussions if not handled carefully. Understanding the sensitivity of this topic, let’s explore how to recognize when a relationship—friendship, acquaintance, or otherwise—has become one-sided and draining, and when it may be time to step back.
Years ago, I learned this lesson the hard way. I was the youngest kid in my high school class, two years younger than my peers. Naive and eager to fit in, I fell into friendships with the “cool kids.” They seemed to welcome me, but in hindsight, I see how they used my naivete to their advantage. They relied on me for help with grades, made crude jokes at my expense, and pulled silly tricks to keep me hooked into their group. At the time, I didn’t see it as manipulation—I thought I was lucky to be included. But everything clicked one day when they locked me in a bathroom stall. That moment of humiliation was the wake-up call I needed. I realized that these so-called friends didn’t value me as a person; they valued what I could offer them.
We’ve all had moments like this, where we come to see the demands others place on us for what they are—an unhealthy cycle of dependency. Breaking free from it starts with recognizing the imbalance and asking yourself what you truly want in the relationships around you. Are they people who care about your well-being and encourage you to grow? Or are they people who use your time, talents, or kindness for their gain? Evaluating your relationships can feel daunting, but it’s essential for your emotional health.
Over time, I’ve developed seven key questions to help me assess whether a friendship is worth holding onto or whether it’s time to step away:
Do they check in on me as much as I check in on them?
Can I be myself around them without fear of judgment?
Can I rely on them to give honest, constructive feedback when I need it?
Do we both make an effort to stay connected, even during busy times?
Do they inspire or encourage me to be the best version of myself?
Do they respect my boundaries, choices, and individuality?
Can we enjoy each other’s company without needing to plan anything extravagant?
If someone consistently falls short on more than half of these, it doesn’t mean I cut ties immediately. Instead, I start by addressing my concerns with them. A good friendship is built on communication and growth, and sometimes expressing your feelings can spark positive change. But if they show no desire to improve or continue to drain your energy, it may be time to take a step back.
Opting out of relationships isn’t about giving up on people—it’s about prioritizing your well-being and surrounding yourself with those who genuinely value you. After all, healthy relationships are reciprocal, uplifting, and built on mutual respect. Those are the relationships worth investing in.
Conclusion
It is true. We're constantly pulled towards saying "yes"—to more commitments, more services, more relationships. But learning to say "no" is a powerful tool for living with intention. Whether it's cutting down on digital subscriptions that quietly siphon off our money, rejecting societal pressures that push us into jobs we don't love, or distancing ourselves from relationships that no longer nurture us, saying no is a bold declaration of self-agency. It’s about reclaiming our time, energy, and focus, and aligning our lives with what we value instead of just going along with the flow.
Mastering the art of "no" isn't about turning everything away. It's about making room for the right "yes"—the kind that aligns with your desires and life goals. This could mean achieving financial freedom, nurturing meaningful relationships, or finding a healthier work-life balance. Setting clear boundaries, questioning the status quo, and regularly evaluating what we allow into our lives gives us control over our choices and helps cultivate a more purposeful, fulfilling existence. As Chris Voss wisely notes, "No" isn’t a rejection—it’s clarity. It’s the foundation upon which we can build a life worth living.
That’s not to say I avoid all subscriptions—our household only adopts services that deliver exceptional, undeniable value.